Wisdom Corner

Human relationships are often shaped by cultural familiarity, shared ethnicity, and tribal connections. These shared elements usually create expectations of mutual support, understanding, and trust. However, personal experiences can sometimes challenge these assumptions, offering a new lens through which to view the world and those around us. My own experience in Leeds, a multicultural city in the United Kingdom, vividly illustrates this contrast: I faced a cold and hostile attitude from someone of my own tribe, yet received warm and unexpected help from a Pakistani woman who had no known connection to me. This experience prompted a deep reflection on the nature of kindness, loyalty, and human decency—ultimately leading me to reassess what truly binds us as individuals. Coming from a closely-knit cultural background, I have always been taught that members of one’s tribe or ethnic group will naturally look out for each other, especially when in a foreign land. This assumption was put to the test when I had a rather unpleasant encounter with a fellow tribeswoman in Leeds. Despite our shared cultural roots, she displayed a nasty and unwelcoming attitude. Her tone was dismissive, her gestures cold, and her words unkind. What made the experience more painful was the expectation that, as someone from the same tribe, she would at least offer some degree of empathy, understanding, or assistance. This moment served as a painful yet important lesson: tribal or ethnic affiliation does not guarantee kindness. People are individuals with unique temperaments, shaped not just by culture but also by personal values, experiences, and character. The idea that someone “should” treat me better simply because we come from the same background is, upon deeper inspection, a flawed assumption. Community ties can certainly foster unity, but they are not a substitute for character. In stark contrast, shortly after this incident, I found myself in a situation that required help. To my surprise, it was a Pakistani woman—a complete stranger—who came to my aid. She patiently waited with me and offered support for about ten minutes, asking for nothing in return. There was no cultural connection between us, no tribal bond, no shared language or history. Yet, she chose to be kind. Her calm presence and helpful attitude provided a powerful counterpoint to the earlier experience. This act of compassion reminded me that kindness is not the exclusive domain of one’s own people. It is, rather, a human virtue that transcends boundaries of culture, race, religion, or nationality. Sometimes, it is those we least expect—those from entirely different walks of life—who offer the greatest support. These two experiences, though brief, provided a profound life lesson. They challenged the idea that one’s tribe or ethnic group is always a safe haven. While tribal identity can offer a sense of belonging, it should not become the sole criterion by which we judge or trust people. At the same time, the kindness of a stranger reaffirmed the power of human decency and empathy in bridging divides. From a broader sociological perspective, this also speaks to the dangers of stereotyping—both positive and negative. Just as it is wrong to assume someone from a different background will be unfriendly, it is equally misguided to presume someone from your own culture will be automatically helpful. Human beings are diverse in behavior, and their actions are often dictated by personal values more than cultural identity. In a multicultural setting like Leeds, these experiences are especially instructive. The city’s diversity means one must engage with people from various backgrounds daily. Approaching others with an open mind—free from preconceived notions about who is “one of us” and who is not—can lead to more meaningful and authentic relationships. In the end, my experience in Leeds taught me a vital truth: it is not where people come from, but who they are that matters. Kindness, empathy, and humanity are not bound by ethnicity or tribal ties. They are expressions of good character, which can be found in anyone—regardless of cultural background. Therefore, we must learn to evaluate people by their actions, not by their affiliations. Holding on to rigid expectations based on tribal or cultural identity can limit our worldview and expose us to disappointment. Instead, embracing the diversity of the human spirit allows us to recognize and appreciate goodness wherever it exists. It is better to be surprised by kindness than to be disappointed by misplaced loyalty. And in that sense, the stranger who helps may prove to be a closer “brother” or “sister” than the familiar face who turns away.